My Other Blog Is A Mercedes

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe Finding our counterpart in life has been socially misconstrued to the fact that we settle with the first person that's simply nice to us. Sure we share the same hobbies and have similar social habits, but as we settle, we sell ourself short. Often, we become forced into a lifestyle that is different than what our heart wants, so we mirror our partners actions in hope of acceptance. You are losing your identity and will become unhappy. Be free to be our true selves without fear of disapproval or being alone. --This is who I am. This is how I'll be. If you cannot allow me to be myself, you won't be apart of my life--

If you're wondering where I am, look where I've been. Attempting to collect my thoughts, I end up walking around aimlessly; only to feed on the fantasy of my night's dream. You can gaze into my eyes, but you'll see, I'm long gone. We dance to the monotone music in the same rhythmic pattern society has forced us upon. Left, Right, Left, Turn. No spontaneity, our souls will soon fade away; as we go through the motions, our bodies become a lifeless form. You can present a solution: but know this dance is killing me. We are deserving of a tango, instead of a waltz, but as soon as you learn the steps, the pattern will repeat. My solution: either stop dancing and enjoy the walk or left, right, left, turn.

Human touch is a powerful thing- and yet, it’s the very thing you should forget. Choose. Re-construct a love that’s lost or start over with the pieces left behind. You can’t keep the past in your imaginary world. Too soon, you will find that his love was never real. So in this pit filled with blame, regret and loneliness, figure out whether you’re going to change to be at a standstill for the rest of your existence. The right words won’t be heard; a tender kiss won’t be felt, until the universe takes control. Don't be controlled by the memories of a better love, for the past passes us for a reason.

Wow, I was an annoying sappy little teenager- Found this on an old site, I wrote this in 2007. Trying to disguise pulse of my fast-beating heart is like stopping the rain from falling down today. The only thing that makes my life fall into place is this cold September morning, watching you look right past me. Not a glimpse, not a stare, not a touch, not a feeling will make you notice that I'm even here, concealing my fast-beating heart and undeniable intentions. Wishing this wish, I can feel my heart break in two. At least now you cant hurt my pride, for how can you break my heart when it wasn't even whole to start with? So no longer wishful thinking, goodbye love.. or lust, who even knows anymore.

As I look back at the past year in my life, I am baffled at how little moments in my life have made a significant change on me. The ripple effect of my decisions have led me to a time in my life I'm very blessed to be at, but never thought I'd be where I am now. It all started with me being the typical Kayla, being flirtatious to the handsome fresh produce delivery man that came to my work. And just a few weeks into our dating relationship, I got pregnant. (opps..not planned, but also not properly avoided by either of us) And now I am a Mother to a 3 weeks old- continuing to chase after my degree, attempting to find a career I love, and still getting to know the handsome man that came into my life less than a year ago. I look back and think... "wow, if i hadn't been working THAT particular night, I would not be where I am now." Ready for it or not, Fate had its own plans and my future was beginning right there and then. A year ago I was only concerned with partyi...