My Other Blog Is A Mercedes

From your lips, my name sounds like warm waves crashing to the pier.   From your lips, my name makes it’s way through the veins to electrify my heart.  Those lips, oh those sweet passionate lips. Under the glow of a street light, I ache to kiss you once more.  And I do.  And from those lips, you say, My name.  

He infiltrated my world leaving a wreckage of destruction, secrets, and a lifetime of nightmares. As I reach for the beam of hope, I'm haunted by the cold shackles bound to my wrists.  It's not the weight of him that holds me down, but the heaviness of never being able to forget, never able to forgive. Surrounded by his lurking ghost, stricken with fear of trusting intimacy again.

Before the day turns into night and you're fast asleep ----theres something you need to know. You are anything but simple. Lips, small and soft-- guarding the gateway of your soul --The blur between stubborn and passionate, You are anything but simple. Insatiable hunger for adventure. You may be anything but simple, but choosing to love you is.

I hope you never read this.  The embarrassment is making me anxious already, opening myself up in a different way than in our sessions. (Ive typed a few sentences and erased them each time. )  Something I want to work on, is complimenting quicker than I judge. That falls true when I'm taking to myself as well. A part of complimenting myself and the progress I've made over the past year, must call attention to the work you've done.   I was caught in a riptide of self sabotage because I didn't feel worth anything better. Take what I was given, and be thankful for even that. Although I allowed years of emotional abuse, you've given me the tools to unlearn my identity. With that confidence, I dyed my hair blue, got multiple nose piercings, and now have the most real relationship I've ever had, with a woman who sees me and supports who I WANT to be.  There were many times you'd ask me a question, and I couldn't hide my thoughts even if I tried. You taught me ...

Resolution:  noun:  a firm decision to do or not to do something.   Oh great, I have to make a decision. Let alone, a firm decision. With the turn of the new year, it's time to reflect over the past 365 days. Did I reach my goal of more time outside, less worrying, save money, live healthier. Honestly, I met none of those. Stack the pandemic upon change in routine and you'll get one anxious, passive 30some year old who's on the brink of burnout. So the tiring old saying, "new year, new me," rings through my mind.  Maybe I can start with being firm. Oh goddess, if the universe would give me the strength to be firm on anything, I'd be grateful, count that as a win for the year. This is coming from the brain of someone that gets anxious sending back an incorrect dish at a restaurant, or simply picking the dinner spot. Time to give myself more credit, hell, lets start here. If I need to fake ...